Mirrors and Books

'"It's not that easy. They just like somebody that can give them a purpose."

"A purpose?"

"Right. You know? Girls like guys to be a challenge. It gives them some mold to fit in how they act. Like a mom. What would a mom do if she couldn't fuss over you and make you clean your room? And what would you do without her fussing and making you do it? Everyone needs a mom. And a mom knows this. And it gives her a sense of purpose. You get it?"

"Yeah," I said even though I didn't. But I got it enough to say "Yeah" and not be lying, though.

"The thing is some girls think they can actually change guys. And what's funny is that if they actually did change them, they'd get bored. They'd have no challenge left. You just have to give girls some time to think of a new way of doing things, that's all. Some of them will figure it out here. Some later. Some never. I wouldn't worry about it."'

'I never once thought that it would mean Sam might start liking me. All I cared about was the fact that Sam really got hurt. And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love her. Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn't matter.'

'"Charlie, don't you get it? I can't feel that. It's sweet and everything, but it's like you're not even there sometimes. It's great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about when someone doesn't need a shoulder? What if they need the arms or something like that? You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things."

"Like what?" I asked. My mouth was dry.

"I don't know. Like take their hands when the slow song comes up for a change. Or be the one who asks someone for a date. Or tell people what you need. Or what you want."'

Quotes all taken from The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky, my current favorite book.

growing in Grace

So I was thinking...


My vocab is so huge cause I read so much.

My imagination is so crazy cause I think so much.

My eyes are so wide cause I look so much.


My heart is so full cause I love so much.

Yep, it doesn't help anything to just "feel bad". But it does move the heart to action. And that's where feelings and sympathy and empathy and all that good stuff comes in.

We'll never know the difference between right and wrong, happy and sad, fixable and leaveable if we can't feel those differences. 

Feeling bad is where it all starts. Don't make it seem like it's the wrong thing to do.

Proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.

Do you realize??

I come from a place 

that intoxicates it's visitors with sweet-smelling flowers and

towering mountains, a place that stays fresh in your mind

until you can't hold back from returning, just onemoretime, 

to catch a glimpse of that overpowering joie de vivre. You see,

my home is a home

that will never let go of your soul, even though you think you've

moved on, the eyes that at first welcomed you and made you 

the highest priority (then later forgot) will always live in a picture

at the foreground of your thoughts. No one ever understands

what makes this body

so intoxicating, so inviting, so INTERESTING, because to the

untrained eye, what makes it so special is exactly what makes

it ordinary. Ordinary and plain and simple and underwhelming,

while at the same time, unforgettable. If you won't forget, then

neither will I.

I lay all of my birdies

I was getting ready in the Hastings' guest bathroom this morning when it finally hit me again; on a plaque hanging from a bathroom wall was written this verse:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

So often I forget that worrying is the sin of not giving all your cares to God. He expects us to trust that He rules over our futures. When we try to take our troubles upon ourselves, we usually learn the hard way that we have nothing to do with how things turn out.

I don't want to keep relearning this again and again. I want it to forever be pressed on my heart. But I don't think that's how humans work. We live circular lives, always coming back to the lessons we thought we had memorized by heart. That's also how God set up our lives: we weren't created to learn something once and remember it forever.


I cast all my cares upon You
I lay all of my birdies down at Your feet
And anytime I don't know what to do
I just cast all my cares upon You

Under our bare feet in this brand new colony

Well, I fell in love again... with The Postal Service:

I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning

In an open tab when your judgement's on the brink

I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite

Albums back as you're lying there drifting off to sleep...

I'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you...

You won't have to strain to look into my eyes

I'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat

With the collar up so you won't catch a cold

Lovely. Strange. Beautiful. And lovely.

Get Naked

Nothing will come between me and my Naked Juice.

Californians Must Be Crazy

A few hours ago, I was sitting in my car, patiently counting down the minutes to the end of my lunch break. That's when a drop of water hit my windshield. Another one followed. Then another, and another, and suddenly it was drizzling. The only thoughts running through my head at this point had to do with dreading the idea of moving all my stuff from one house to another in the rain, which is what I have to do today, come 5 o'clock. I also inexplicably had a craving for blueberries and ice cream, a craving that California rain almost always brings out in me.

My lunch break ended, and I briskly walked through the rain into the office where I work. This is where the pandemonium began.


Minutes after I approached my bosses' desk:

My boss (L), after tilting her head to one side and hearing the sounds of rain drops on the windows and roof: Is it raining?

Me: Yeah, it was kind of drizzling-

L: It's RAINING?!?!?

Woman who works next door (M): It IS! It IS raining!! Come look, come look!!

After this command, five of the women who work in the office huddled in front of a nearby window, where they proceeded to exclaim in high pitched voices over the (ridiculously small) amount of rain drops falling from the sky.

And then the unimaginable happened:

L: IS THAT HAIL?!?!?!?

M: No, it couldn't be hailing!!!!

L: It IS!! Look at the GRASS!! It's HAIL!!!

And then they all ran outside - outside - to watch it rain. And they weren't the only ones standing outside. Most of the people who work in this building were also standing outside. Watching. The. Rain.

Later, we had another episode where L realized that other boss, C's car window was rolled down, so L had to race around the office in search of an umbrella - M burst out with a chorus of "Under my umbrella, ella, ella" here - so C could run outside and close her windows.

Since then, the lights have flickered a couple of times and have completely gone out twice. It's also turned into a full-on thunderstorm, with loud noises and even lightning!

The most annoying thing about this rain is that two days ago, the temperature was in the hundreds. And I thought rainy season in Ecuador was bipolar.






I'm just praying that rain will never make me as psychotic as it makes most people who live here.

So let's make it rock

Well I'm sitting in an empty dorm room, surrounded by the scent of Clorox. That's what us college students use to clean our desks at the end of the year when it's covered in layers of dust and eye sleepies.

The end of the year. Really? Already?

It's amazing how quickly something that you've looked forward to for so long can pass. During my last year of high school, I couldn't wait for May 13th so that I could finally graduate and start my life in the real world.

And then you realize that what makes life real is how much you put into it.

I took Philosophy this semester, and we studied all sorts of ontological and rational and empiricistical stuff. We talked about Plato's cave example and what happens when you die and if there really is a God.

But none of that really matters. All philosophical theories are just ideas that men have had over the past hundred (thousands, even) of years. It's just speculation. It never comes to any conclusions, which actually drove me crazy during the process of learning about it, but thinking about it now, it's not so bad. It feels like a metaphor for life; we all live without conclusions, without finishing our thoughts or determining exactly who we are.

Life is about what you make of it. If you don't put that effort into making your life exciting, interesting, adventurous, and in the end, liveable, it won't be any of those things. It will be boring. It will be dull. It will be monotonous, beating to the rhythm of a drum that lost its prime long ago.

Life's what you make it.