Gracias por la lluvia

I wrote this one morning on my way to school in high school. In my head, it's also set to music.

I love the rain, especially in So Cal where it never rains. It makes everything seem a fairytale world, with the sky dark and daunting like some foreign prince has taken the sun captive, but at the same time, the sound of raindrops steadily dropping is such a comforting sound. And walking in the rain? Might be the best thing ever:

It's another rainy day

My world is cloudy and grey

I can't stop thinking about all you've done for me

It's the beginning of a new week

Pressure comes with no break

Will I push you out of my mind and forget?

I want to praise you
for the things you've done
that have kept me going on,
going strong.
I want to sing to you
the glories of your Precious Name.

Thank you for the rain

Oh God

It's beautiful, beautiful

Thank you for the rain

Oh God

It's beautiful, beautiful

Thank you

Everything Changes But You

"Finish Last"
Stellar Kart

People change and plans get changed and
Everything changes but you
Everybody moves around and
Everything gets pushed around but you
You always stay the same, stay the same

I want to finish last
Last in the world's eyes
No matter what I do
I will be first in your eyes

I am running in this race and
I am pressing onwards towards the finish line
You have promised me a better life
Far beyond this world, far beyond this place and time


This song has been on my mind lately. The first time I heard this song, I was 16 and I thought I had my whole life planned out. Things changed, as they always do, and a split second later, everything I had planned for had fallen apart.

The problem is that even though we try to pretend like we know what's going on in our lives, we don't. And when everything we thought we had taken care of spins completely out of control, we have to realize that there's only one person who never changes and it's his plans (and his opinion of who we are) that really matters. It's cliché, but so true and so hard to learn.

I am doing a different thing right now than I thought I would be doing a year ago, and that's ok. I'm human and that's just how human plans work. What I need to be thinking about is whether I'm doing what God has planned for me. And as long as I'm doing that, who cares if I'm not exactly where I thought I would be a year ago?

Snapshots

Stuff Christians Like is this great new blog I just started reading. It's written by Jon Acuff, a hilarious and witty guy who really understands the church and the direction that modern Christianity is taking. Anyway, on his blog he writes about things that your typical Christian will relate to doing, liking, thinking, or undergoing.

One of his recent posts is #575. Refusing the gift of the desert road. In this post, he brings up this passage from Exodus:

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle. (Exodus 13:17-18)

Acuff's point from this passage was that God loved the Israelites so much that he would not lead them into a situation that he knew they couldn't handle. So even though the Israelites may have believed that they were tough and hardy and ready for battle, God knew what they didn't and he saw that they needed to take the long desert road to prepare themselves.

In my college group last night, we watched a video from Louie Giglio. He was kind of talking about this same concept and he said something I really liked:

"We only see little snapshots, but God is painting on a canvas the size of the universe."

This hugeness is a characteristic of God that I really love. I've begun to think of him more as an eternal being than just a super powerful human because that's who he's showing himself to be.

I spent last weekend in my favorite place on earth and even got to attend the church that had so much to do with my personal and spiritual growth when I was 16. I haven't had a chance to visit it in the past three years; well, I haven't had the courage to visit it. But last Sunday, I bundled up all my nervousness and walked right into that church building with my shoulders back and my hair brushed away from my face. And it wasn't nearly as terrifying as I thought it was going to be. In fact, I was even able to hear God in the worship music. And this is what he said to me:

Greater things have yet to come
Greater things are still to be done in this city

I've been focusing a little too much on things that God has done for me in the past. And it's true, he has done some amazing things in my life. He's met me in dozens of cities around the world and provided for me no matter where I've ended up and, countless times, revealed himself to me in the mundane, the ordinary, the average. He's given me gifts and taught me how to use them. He's put me in a family that, I'm convinced, may just take over the world some day and that is just the way I like it. He's done miracles in my life and saved me from so much more than I can understand.

But that's not the best part about God's relationship with me: even with all of these things he's already done for me, he's not done yet.

He's an active and living God and maybe I have been on a desert road for the past couple of years, but that doesn't mean he loves me any less than he did at one point in my life. If anything, it means he loves me more. And because God is so incredibly huge and I am just one tiny little snapshot in the canvas of the universe, I can't see what he's preparing me for or propelling me towards or sending my way.

But I can trust that he knows what he's doing because, based on what he's already done, he has some great things planned for my life. I just need to wait a little while so I can be ready for them.

Ants in the pants of faith

“I’m spiritual. I live off the faith that has been instilled in me, that has never left. I’ve never let a stumbling block actually make me fall…. We all go through trials, but not one thing has ever made me question God. I have a great relationship with God. I can talk to him, get mad at him, frustrated with him. But, ultimately, my faith is what defines me.”

Yeah, ok, this is a quote from Jessica Simpson. I realize that. But. I think this quote basically sums up what American Christianity is trying to convince us of. 

We always say that God will never give us anything that we can't handle. Pretty much, we tell ourselves that God has our best interests in mind. And I'm not refuting that belief at all; on the contrary, I completely agree. But the thing is that maybe what God thinks is best for us is the opposite of what we think is best for us. 

Did you ever think that maybe God doesn't care about our happiness? Maybe he knows that there is a lot that is more important than how happy we're feeling at any one moment. Maybe he values things like joy and a vividly-lived life more than a temporary and inconstant thing like happiness.

I don't know. Our culture tells us that if we believe in God, we'll get the desires of our hearts. But maybe we're so out of touch with our spirituality that we don't even know what the desires of our hearts are.

Anyway, Jessica Simpson says that she has never questioned God. Frederick Buechner says that "doubts are the ants in the pants of faith. They keep it awake and moving." 

If that's true, then is a faith without doubts, a faith that is asleep and stagnant, worth anything?

If we live in a world that teaches us to look for the easy and happy way of life, then how are we ever supposed to encounter the kind of "stumbling blocks" that might make us doubt God? And without that doubt, how are we supposed to come to know God more?

I don't know. I'm realizing that there's a lot about this culture that I frankly do not agree with. And I need to change that. I need to make a difference.

I need to save the world?

"The way God intended it to be"

Who are you to claim to know the mind of God?

He's not like us. 

Isaiah 55:8-9

 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
      “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
      so my ways are higher than your ways
      and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

Personal Relationship

These are the things that have been rolling around my head:


It's the cliche Christian American thing to say, "It's not a religion, it's a relationship." I'm not going to argue that statement. I actually do agree with it.

I do think that often we forget who our relationship is supposed to be with, though.

Yes, Jesus is our homeboy. He's the one we talk to about all our issues and he's the one we "fall in love" with during those mountaintop experiences.

But the whole point of Jesus is that he's human. We love the humanity in him. And he charged us to love the world.

So maybe the relationship we're supposed to be in shouldn't be just between ourselves and Jesus. Maybe it should be between the entire world and Jesus.

Maybe the key to improving our relationship with Jesus is improving our relationship with our neighbors. Maybe loving the world is just as important as loving God. Maybe the way we love God is entirely demonstrative.

These are just the things I'm thinking about right now.

His good, pleasing, and perfect will

 

We talked about God's will in my Romans and Galatians class today, about how God's will isn't "footsteps in the snow" that we need to somehow need to find and follow, but a corridor with boundaries and lots of flexibility in terms of what exactly God wants us to do. This is ironic because I fell asleep last night while I was debating over this issue in my head, and I came to the same conclusion my professor presented to us today.

All of this brings me back to something my high school Apologetics teacher, Mr. Roedding said: "As long as you are striving to do God's will, you will not make a wrong decision." God doesn't have a set system of choices and options for us to make; He offers us free will. He gives us the space to make our own decisions, because just like a loving father, God trusts us to make good ones.

In our class today, we also talked about a verse I memorized years ago, probably for AWANA: "then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, His good, pleasing, and perfect will." My professor argued that it isn't God's will that is "good, pleasing, and perfect"; God's will involves all that is "good, pleasing, and perfect". God is all about good decisions and He provides us with the resources we need to make those good decisions.

So what it comes down to is this: as long as we are striving to do what is "good, pleasing, and perfect", we will be doing exactly what God wants us to do, and so we will not be able to be "out of God's will". And this can be applied to jobs or picking the right college. It can even be used in deciding who to marry. (Yes, there is more than just one person that you are able to marry. God doesn't set us loose in a maze, blindfolded, and tell us to somehow find the person whose fingerprints match our own. He gives us some leeway in this case.)

God created us with the ability to make good decisions, and we should exercise this ability, rather than allow ourselves to be paralyzed by the fear of doing something that God does not approve of. 

From a while ago, but I'm feeling it now

save it for later

What happens when we grow up? What happens
when our beginnings have finally turned into the
middle, and we're no longer able to see down
that finnicky old tunnel that most people call life
and that sometimes involves sea lions and youth
pastors and sunsets that can never be erased from
the corners of your mind...? Some people fall, and
some people forget, and some people get lost in
the gigantic San Diego Zoos of life and are never
quite returned again. But when you look at what the
purpose is, at what should be pushing us forward
into this new "epoch" of our life, maybe they were
lost for a good cause. Because remembering them
is almost as good as really being with them.

Right?

growing in Grace

So I was thinking...


My vocab is so huge cause I read so much.

My imagination is so crazy cause I think so much.

My eyes are so wide cause I look so much.


My heart is so full cause I love so much.

Yep, it doesn't help anything to just "feel bad". But it does move the heart to action. And that's where feelings and sympathy and empathy and all that good stuff comes in.

We'll never know the difference between right and wrong, happy and sad, fixable and leaveable if we can't feel those differences. 

Feeling bad is where it all starts. Don't make it seem like it's the wrong thing to do.

Proverbs 15:1

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.

I lay all of my birdies

I was getting ready in the Hastings' guest bathroom this morning when it finally hit me again; on a plaque hanging from a bathroom wall was written this verse:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

So often I forget that worrying is the sin of not giving all your cares to God. He expects us to trust that He rules over our futures. When we try to take our troubles upon ourselves, we usually learn the hard way that we have nothing to do with how things turn out.

I don't want to keep relearning this again and again. I want it to forever be pressed on my heart. But I don't think that's how humans work. We live circular lives, always coming back to the lessons we thought we had memorized by heart. That's also how God set up our lives: we weren't created to learn something once and remember it forever.


I cast all my cares upon You
I lay all of my birdies down at Your feet
And anytime I don't know what to do
I just cast all my cares upon You

So let's make it rock

Well I'm sitting in an empty dorm room, surrounded by the scent of Clorox. That's what us college students use to clean our desks at the end of the year when it's covered in layers of dust and eye sleepies.

The end of the year. Really? Already?

It's amazing how quickly something that you've looked forward to for so long can pass. During my last year of high school, I couldn't wait for May 13th so that I could finally graduate and start my life in the real world.

And then you realize that what makes life real is how much you put into it.

I took Philosophy this semester, and we studied all sorts of ontological and rational and empiricistical stuff. We talked about Plato's cave example and what happens when you die and if there really is a God.

But none of that really matters. All philosophical theories are just ideas that men have had over the past hundred (thousands, even) of years. It's just speculation. It never comes to any conclusions, which actually drove me crazy during the process of learning about it, but thinking about it now, it's not so bad. It feels like a metaphor for life; we all live without conclusions, without finishing our thoughts or determining exactly who we are.

Life is about what you make of it. If you don't put that effort into making your life exciting, interesting, adventurous, and in the end, liveable, it won't be any of those things. It will be boring. It will be dull. It will be monotonous, beating to the rhythm of a drum that lost its prime long ago.

Life's what you make it.

God's Love Letter to You

I found this in my mailbox this morning. I don't know who put it in there or where it came from, but it definitely put a smile on my face as I was walking back to my dormroom and I couldn't stop thinking about it all day. I think that's the sign of a great love letter.

God's Love Letter to You

I made her... she is different. She's Unique. With love I formed her in her mother's womb. I fashioned her with great joy. I remember, with pleasure, the day I created her.

I love her smile.
I love her ways.
I love to hear her laugh!
And the silly things she says and does.
She brings me great pleasure.
This is how I made her...

I made her pretty and not beautiful, because I knew her heart, and I knew she would be vain... I wanted her to search out her heart, and to learn that it would be Me in her that would make her beautiful... and it would be Me in her that would draw friends to her.

I made her in such a way that she would need Me. I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be... only because i need for her to learn to depend on Me... I know her heart, I know if I had not made her like this she would go her own chosen way and forget Me... her creator.

I have given her many good and happy things... because I love her.

Because I love her, I have seen her broken heart, and the tears that she has cried alone. I have cried with her, and had a broken heart too.

Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone only because she would not hold My hand. So many lessons she's learned the hard way because she would not listen to My voice.

So many times I have sat back and sadly watched her go her merry way alone. Only to watch her return to My arms, sad and broken.

And now she is Mine again. I made her. Then bought her. Because I love her.

I have to reshape her and remold her... to renew her to what I had planned for her to be. It has not been easy for her or for me.

I want her to be conformed to My image. This high goal I have set for her.

Because I love her.

p.s. it's raining

I met another homeless man today. His name was Ricky and he smiled at me in the most genuine way and said, "Merry Christmas!"

I was so nervous to talk to him. There's something that just makes it hard to look a person in the eye after you've walked past them, trying to forget their presence, a couple of times. Yeah, I walked right past him. And then I felt that tug on my heart again and I turned around and introduced myself.

We ended up talking for maybe 30 seconds. I was so afraid that I would say the wrong thing; I couldn't find any courage to ask him about his story, even though I knew that's what I was supposed to do.

So my prayer today is for courage, courage to do the things that God has pressed on my heart.



In other news, Rheanna's Quest Towards Being As Awkward As Possible is still going strong. I got lost in San Dimas after the "AH! You're running out of gas!" light came on in my car and I raced off the freeway in a panic, frantically searching for a gas station. I then proceeded to completely forget my zip code, which apparently you need to pay for gas with a debit card at certain gas stations.

No worries, though. Ugly Betty is full of gas and safe in the school parking lot. And I am safe in my dormroom, content after a night of music and poetry and bizarre Christmas antics.



The logs on the fire fill me with desire to see you and to say that I wish you Merry Christmas.

Un sapo, sapo, sapo que nadaba en el rio, rio, rio...

I'm sorry. I can't just write one blog about this.


So for the last thirteen years of my life, I think I was on one long mission trip. For example, every Wednesday last year, I would go to the city dump with a group from my school and we would help out in the daycare for kids whose parents live among the trash. A few years before that, we went to a children's hospital every week and basically evangelized and did goofy stuff to make the kids happy. I've helped to translate for different groups from the U.S. who came down to Ecuador to go on a mission trip (although the emphasis on those trips was always on something other than God... oops). I went to a school for missionary kids; we even had an Evangelism Explosion class to teach us how to talk about Jesus.

Because of all that, it's really hard for me to be in a place where a mission trip isn't waiting to happen right outside my window.



It will be interesting to see what happens to my passion for the world when I'm no longer forced to be in it. And I think that's all I can say about it.

And if I had wings, I would fly.

What makes you happy?


A good grade on a really difficult test?

Extra money for a shopping spree?

The knowledge that one more person thinks you're attractive?



We were hit in the face by the concept of global vision all week last week. We were challenged to open our minds to what's going on in the world around us, not just in our small-bubble lives. We were begged to see the big picture.

But the first step is to take our eyes off ourselves.

If the things that make you happy have to do with what's happening to only you, then I challenge you to change that. We do not live isolated, lonely lives; we are growing together, living together, finding God in new ways together. It shouldn't be solely about I ME MYSELF. It should be about US WE YOU THEY. What can we do to make someone else happier? What can we say to brighten someone else's day? How much of ourselves can we give?



So what makes you happy?


A good grade that your best friend got on a really difficult test?

Extra money to spend on someone else?

The knowledge that you made one more person feel special?





It's all about the love, people.

i see you.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours.


The evidence of the absence of God can be seen all around us.

You see, God is love. He is love and He is light and He is encouragement and He is comfort. When those things are taken away, all we have left is hatred. Just hatred and darkness.


I've never heard about the Holocaust from the viewpoint of a Jewish survivor and so the story of the murder of thousands of Jews has never felt very personal. Hearing about it last Wednesday brought tears to my eyes though. Honestly, what was the rest of the world doing while such hatred was brewing up? We ARE our brother's keeper; we ARE meant to keep each other in check. And I think our world needs to open its eyes because grievances of similar or greater magnitude are slipping their ways past the corners of our minds.


One way, Jesus, You're the only one that I could live for.


While we're tiptoeing around the subject of racism, let me propose a new horror: culturism. That's right, it's not all about your race these days. It's about which culture you were brought up in, which culture you feel most comfortable with, and which culture you have adopted as your own. And this is a GOOD thing; I dream of a world in which 100% of the world's inhabitants have claimed a culture that doesn't match the color of their skin. But unless we (collectively) begin to embrace those cultural differences, my dream will not come true.

(You don't have to be non-white to experience racism. Ask me about it some time.)


Here am I. Send me.



I will go.

Mirror, Mirror

Ten million years ago, I was THE awkward kid.

And by awkward, I mean the whole shabang: braces, stringy (slightly dirt-colored) hair, chubbiness, horrible sense of fashion. I was also just becoming aware of the fact that I was not, indeed, like everyone else. See, I'm the kind of person who does not do too well in social situations. Adding to the awkwardness was my pre-teenage, rapidly developing body and a group of people who publicly thought my way of walking was socially unacceptable.

Needless to say, middle school was my unhappy time.

...and so was the year or two that followed.


Honestly, I blame it on my surroundings. Once I moved to a place where most people actually didn't know my name, the puppy fat quickly fell off and I even learned a few things about how to make friends. But it wasn't until I got away from my hometown and learned how to find God in a new way, in a new location, that I really started seeing myself as God-loved, instead of God-forsaken.

It took awhile, but I finally began to look in the mirror again. And really, I had to start looking at God (and at his creation and at his beauty and at his glory) first.



Who am I to consider myself, created with love by God, a thing of ugliness?



It really isn't about loving yourself enough. It's about trusting that God knew what he was doing when he made you. That's what you have to remember when you're comparing yourself to the rest of the beautiful girl population on campus. That's what you have to push into your mind when you're wondering if that outfit could look any worse on your body. That's what you have to think about when you're looking into the mirror.


God made you special, and he loves you very much.

Three Things I Would Like To ACCOMPLISH While At APU

Sometimes I think I'm an underachiever; I don't realize the things that I really want until they either a) smack me right in the face or b) are comfortably handed over to me. Maybe this is a better argument for laziness on my part. But either way, here are at least three things that I would possibly like to accomplish during my years at APU. Also included are how my strengths will help me to achieve them.

1) Figure Out Who The Heck I Am
I mentioned this before; this is the whole reason why I came to college: to be influenced and stretched into the kind of person I am meant to be. On some days when I wake up a few minutes before my alarm clock sings to me, I feel like a mirror image of myself. I want to color in the lines that make up my heart and mind and finally be a technicolor version of me. I think that all of my thinking strengths will help me to evaluate every single possibility (maybe even prolonging the process) of who I could be. And my empathy will help me to look at others and at who they are. This will force me to see the good and bad of their characters and I can pick and choose the characteristics that I find most enviable and work them into my life.

2) Learn As Much As I Can
Aha. Another reason why I came to college. As my input strength describes, I am curious and I love learning new things (but generally only in areas I'm interested in... lame, I know). I want to fill my brain with as much information as possible about the world and about people and about writing and about the way things work. (I also want to get published. I want my thoughts to be read and spread and publicly acknowledged.)

3) Expand My Concept Of The World As A Whole
Included in this section are my desires to study abroad, to get involved in missions, and to network. I don't know what I mean by that last word, but I guess my dad says it a lot and it sounds good. Ha, just kidding. But I don't really know what I mean, except that it's something I really want to do. And guess what, my connectedness strength directly ties in with this goal. Funny how that works out.

4) Find A Husband
Ummmmmm, kidding. Actually, I just want to make strong and lasting friendships.

4 for real) Make Strong And Lasting Friendships
I've heard from too many people that their best friends are the friends they met during their college years and I want to make this true for me. I think connectedness will just help me to "connect" the people around me and to draw them together. In love. And happiness. Peace.

5) Become Tight With God
I heard a sermon once about what it takes to become "tight" with God. The speaker mentioned discipline and how important it is to keep yourself in check and to keep your relationship with God growing daily. I want to be so disciplined in my walk with God that it becomes even more natural than breathing. I want to have a better grasp on what He wants for my life. I want to use my strengths for His glory. I want His love to shine out of all areas of my life and I want people to notice the difference.


Fin.

Eat right, huh

Numba One - Ideation
You are fascinated by ideas. What is an idea? An idea is a concept, the best explanation of the most events. You are delighted when you discover beneath the complex surface an elegantly simple concept to explain why things are the way they are. An idea is a connection. Yours is the kind of mind that is always looking for connections, and so you are intrigued when seemingly disparate phenomena can be linked by an obscure connection. An idea is a new perspective on familiar challenges. You revel in taking the world we all know and turning it around so we can view it from a strange but strangely enlightening angle. You love all these ideas because they are profound, because they are novel, because they are clarifying, because they are contrary, because they are bizarre. For all these reasons you derive a jolt of energy whenever a new idea occurs to you. Others may label you creative or original or conceptual or even smart. Perhaps you are all of these. Who can be sure? What you are sure of is that ideas are thrilling. And on most days this is enough.

I didn't really think that this strength applied to me until I did some reading and realized that it has to do with creativity and daydreaming. Most of the time, I forget that that aspect of who I am is even a strength. Maybe this test will help me to focus that attribute and use it more to my advantage.



Numba Two - Input
You are inquisitive. You collect things. You might collect information-words, facts, books, and quotations-or you might collect tangible objects such as butterflies, baseball cards, porcelain dolls, or sepia photographs. Whatever you collect, you collect it because it interests you. And yours is the kind of mind that finds so many things interesting. The world is exciting precisely because of its infinite variety and complexity. If you read a great deal, it is not necessarily to refine your theories but, rather, to add more information to your archives. If you like to travel, it is because each new location offers novel artifacts and facts. These can be acquired and then stored away. Why are they worth storing? At the time of storing it is often hard to say exactly when or why you might need them, but who knows when they might become useful? With all those possible uses in mind, you really don't feel comfortable throwing anything away. So you keep acquiring and compiling and filing stuff away. It's interesting. It keeps your mind fresh. And perhaps one day some of it will prove valuable.

I have definitely seen how this strength plays out in my life. I remember when I was in maybe 7th or 8th grade and I became insanely fascinated with Queen Elizabeth I to the point of reading a 600 page non-fiction work all about her life. When I become interested in a topic, I like to know as much as I can about it. This can also be translated into my social interactions; when I am interested in getting to know a person more, I become overwhelmingly curious about their life and the way they think.



Numba Three - Empathy
You can sense the emotions of those around you. You can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. Intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. You do not necessarily agree with each person's perspective. You do not necessarily feel pity for each person's predicament-this would be sympathy, not Empathy. You do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand. This instinctive ability to understand is powerful. You hear the unvoiced questions. You anticipate the need. Where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and the right tone. You help people find the right phrases to express their feelings-to themselves as well as to others. You help them give voice to their emotional life. For all these reasons other people are drawn to you.

This was another strength that I was already well aware of (and semi-embarassed about). I've had a problem with being overly sensitive for as long as I can remember and I've always viewed it as more of a weakness than a positive attribute. I think that maybe I need to start looking at it as a God-given gift and realize that it's something that can help others.



Numba Four - Strategic
The Strategic theme enables you to sort through the clutter and find the best route. It is not a skill that can be taught. It is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective on the world at large. This perspective allows you to see patterns where others simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, you play out alternative scenarios, always asking, "What if this happened? Okay, well what if this happened?" This recurring question helps you see around the next corner. There you can evaluate accurately the potential obstacles. Guided by where you see each path leading, you start to make selections. You discard the paths that lead nowhere. You discard the paths that lead straight into resistance. You discard the paths that lead into a fog of confusion. You cull and make selections until you arrive at the chosen path-your strategy. Armed with your strategy, you strike forward. This is your Strategic theme at work: "What if?" Select. Strike.

I think it's ironic that this is now my third strength that has to do with knowing more and thinking and "expanding my horizons". I am definitely one of those people who just thinks too much; "What if"s drive me crazy and generally take up wayyy too much of my time. And again, this is another attribute that I tend to view negatively.



Numba Five - Connectedness
Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. Some may call it the collective unconscious. Others may label it spirit or life force. But whatever your word of choice, you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. If we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. We must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life's mysteries.

When I asked my alpha leader about this one, she told me it was the hippie strength. So ha, once again, proof that I am a hippie at heart. Parents, let me buy a hippie van and get a peace sign tattoo'd on my ankle. I'm just trying to go along with my strength!

But actually, two sentences made me feel certain that this strength is something I possess: When people and the world seem fractured, broken, and isolated, you can become discouraged. For this reason, some may perceive you as too naïve or fragile. This has happened to me countless times. When the darkness of the world around me is pushed too hard into my face, I freak out and have to "center" myself before I can deal.

Stay beautiful

I met a homeless man yesterday. His name was Shane and his teeth were tinted yellow. He was holding a cigarette in one hand and asking any nice-looking person who passed by for money to buy food.

We grow up in a culture that trains us to be paranoid of anyone living on the streets. "Oh, he'll just use the money for drugs," we convince ourselves. "He's probably just lying anyway." I know that those were the thoughts running through my head as I walked past him with my head turned the other way.

It took me about 3 seconds to feel a nudge on my heart (the nudges I live for). And even though I was terrified and worried about what Shane the Homeless Man could possibly do to my lovely roommate and I, we still turned around, apologized, and introduced ourselves to him. He was a pretty nice guy, too. You might see him on the corner outside of the CVS just down the street.

Shane gained five dollars from me yesterday. But, as cliche as it might sound, I feel like I'm the one who benefitted more from our encounter.

I'm not entirely sure of who I am yet. That's why I came to college; in this safe and God-controlled environment, I have all the time in the world to settle on my hopes and fears. The only thing that my heart is absoultely set on right now is living my life completely and willingly for God. And every day that's becoming easier for me to do.

That's who I am right now.