What I'm Looking For

From March 2009:

I don’t want to come out of college with an engagement ring plastered on my finger. I want to fall in love on my own time and have my pick of the world when it comes to finding my future spouse. I don’t want to limit myself to the boys I go to school with because, as nice as they are, they’re still just boys. I want to literally search the earth for a person who, metaphorically speaking, completes me.

And this is the kind of man I want:

• A man who is sensitive, but not to the point of being more sensitive than me.
• A tall man with broad shoulders.
• A man with a sense of humor.
• A creative man.
• A man who knows how to write and use proper grammar/spelling.
• A romantic man (but not too sappy).
• A man who can sing.
• A man with energy and passion.
• A man who loves Jesus in a way that isn’t your cliché American Christian way.
• A man with big hands.
• A man who can play at least one instrument.
• A man who has spent a significant amount of time in a country other than the U.S.
• A man who goes against the grain.
• A tough man.
• A man who is older than me, if not physically, then in emotional and maturity years.

I’m not bemoaning my lack of a man at the present. On the contrary, I’m perfectly fine flirting and exchanging coy looks and text messaging five boys at the same time. This is fun and this is what college is all about.

I am bemoaning my lack of life, though, and I’m quickly coming to the understanding that I will not and cannot find that kind of thrilling, transitory, and inspiring life that I desire on your typical American college campus. So I’ll wait and long for a way to seek out this kind of life, rather than a boy who will become my “happily ever after.”

Breathing

If you've had any kind of contact with me over the past week or so, you probably have noticed that I have been a tad stressed out, which, you know, isn't that big of a deal. It happens to everyone; I've just been having a hard time dealing with it lately. So this is me dealing with it:

Things About My Life That Make Me Happy

1. My brand new Art Minor. Last week, I decided on the spur of the moment to declare a minor in Art, based on my thorough enjoyment of classes such as Ceramics and Women in Art, and so far haven't reconsidered.

2. The fact that I am not a freshman. Every year, the freshman class gets bigger and bigger (literally) and I become more and more grateful that I am older, wiser, more experienced, and altogether "with it" more than I was as a freshman. I love that I am an upperclassman, I love that I live almost off campus in The Village, and I love that the kind-of-annoying freshmen in my upper division classes just serve the purpose of making me feel smarter. Thank you, semi-annoying freshmen, and next time, don't take upper division classes during your first semester of college!

3. My apartment. Although it is lacking a little in cleanliness these days, my apartment is my favorite place to be in Azusa. Thanks to the lovely organizing and decorating skills of my mother and roommates, the apartment has become a comfortable place pulled together by my favorite colors (or non-colors, considering they are all neutral) and accented with splashes of bright happiness.

4. My roommates. I have incredibly supportive roommates and I like them. It's kind of one of those win-win situations.

5. Having classes that require me to read things I should have read in high school. Yes, I know I complained about Jane Austen to death and Mark Twain almost made me drop American Lit, but as I get deeper into my English classes, I'm realizing how great it is that I get to read American classics and stories about courtship from the Victorian Period as homework. Seriously. It's really great.

6. Independence. I have the freedom to do what I want when I want to do it, regardless of the hour or how much other stuff I need to get done first, without having to tell anyone what I'm doing. I also have the space to figure out who I am and why I do the things I do and it is a wonderful thing.

7. Long, almost normal-colored hair. I cut my hair short about a year and a half ago and it's finally back to the length I like. It also is almost back to my natural color after about three years of wrestling with blacks and reds and too-dark browns.

8. College group(s). At the moment, I am involved in two college groups, full of interesting and new people. I never thought I would say this, but I am beginning to love connecting with new people every week.

9. This exciting time of life. My friends and I are embarking on our 20's and I am loving hearing about semesters abroad and first-time I love you's and even weddings (although these terrify me at the same time). I can't wait to see (and hear about) what happens next.

It's good.

Eleven Things My Mama Should Have Taught Me

After one (happy, crazy, growthful, changing, difficult, spectacular, lovely, joyful, lonely) semester of college, I have come to understand these things:

1) Mostly, you relate to the people you knew previous to your first college experience in a completely different way after you've come home. To me, this means that I am officially an adult in the Cline/Scholl crowd; I partake in adult conversations, without fear of giving my own opinion or even telling Kevin to shut up. It also means that stupid high school cliques are no longer in control of my social life. (This is where I insert a five-minute long sigh of relief.)

2) People are hard to live with. It doesn't matter who they are, where they came from, how similar they are to your own personality; people are just hard to live with. And once you can master the "art of losing" all the things that make your life familiar, it is five hundred thousand times easier to live with another person.

3) Pop-tarts and string cheese can be a suitable meal for anytime of the day!

4) It is completely normal to eat by yourself, whether you're in the cafeteria or hiding out in your dorm room.

5) Friends require upkeep. After about six years of having three perfectly synced friends who practically fell into my life, this was the hardest for me to come to terms with. It takes time for faces to become acquaintances, acquaintances to become casual friends, casual friends to become close.

6) Facebook is a SICKNESS.

7) No matter how awkward I feel about the whole "Third Culture Kids of APU Unite!" thing, I have to admit that it does make me feel ten times more comfortable when I realize that a professor is a former MK or a classmate spent most of her life in a different country. It's not because I can't relate to your average American, it's because I can relate better to people who have had similar experiences to mine. And that's true for everyone, whether we're talking about the language you speak, or the kind of school you graduated from, or the place you grew up in. People are naturally drawn to those who are like themselves. And no matter how self-obsessive that might seem, it's good.

8) You are different. I am different. We are all freakin' different, so it's completely futile to go around acting like you're God's gift to society. Get over yourself.

9) 7:15 Walk/Jog classes are never a good idea.

10) Sometimes people suck. (That's why forgiveness is such an intense theme in the Bible.)

11) Tie-dye is way cool in college.



I started this blog entry about a month ago, but I got frustrated with how Blogger changes the language if you're in a different country and since I was in Ecuador (South America, not Africa), everything was in Spanish and it just bothered me. So even though the new semester has already started, pretend it hasn't.

Three Things I Would Like To ACCOMPLISH While At APU

Sometimes I think I'm an underachiever; I don't realize the things that I really want until they either a) smack me right in the face or b) are comfortably handed over to me. Maybe this is a better argument for laziness on my part. But either way, here are at least three things that I would possibly like to accomplish during my years at APU. Also included are how my strengths will help me to achieve them.

1) Figure Out Who The Heck I Am
I mentioned this before; this is the whole reason why I came to college: to be influenced and stretched into the kind of person I am meant to be. On some days when I wake up a few minutes before my alarm clock sings to me, I feel like a mirror image of myself. I want to color in the lines that make up my heart and mind and finally be a technicolor version of me. I think that all of my thinking strengths will help me to evaluate every single possibility (maybe even prolonging the process) of who I could be. And my empathy will help me to look at others and at who they are. This will force me to see the good and bad of their characters and I can pick and choose the characteristics that I find most enviable and work them into my life.

2) Learn As Much As I Can
Aha. Another reason why I came to college. As my input strength describes, I am curious and I love learning new things (but generally only in areas I'm interested in... lame, I know). I want to fill my brain with as much information as possible about the world and about people and about writing and about the way things work. (I also want to get published. I want my thoughts to be read and spread and publicly acknowledged.)

3) Expand My Concept Of The World As A Whole
Included in this section are my desires to study abroad, to get involved in missions, and to network. I don't know what I mean by that last word, but I guess my dad says it a lot and it sounds good. Ha, just kidding. But I don't really know what I mean, except that it's something I really want to do. And guess what, my connectedness strength directly ties in with this goal. Funny how that works out.

4) Find A Husband
Ummmmmm, kidding. Actually, I just want to make strong and lasting friendships.

4 for real) Make Strong And Lasting Friendships
I've heard from too many people that their best friends are the friends they met during their college years and I want to make this true for me. I think connectedness will just help me to "connect" the people around me and to draw them together. In love. And happiness. Peace.

5) Become Tight With God
I heard a sermon once about what it takes to become "tight" with God. The speaker mentioned discipline and how important it is to keep yourself in check and to keep your relationship with God growing daily. I want to be so disciplined in my walk with God that it becomes even more natural than breathing. I want to have a better grasp on what He wants for my life. I want to use my strengths for His glory. I want His love to shine out of all areas of my life and I want people to notice the difference.


Fin.

Procrastination, Part 1: Best Things About December 11 - December 13, 2009

1. Christmas chapel. Carols and man choir and funny skits and warm holiday feelings.
2. Last American Lit class. Wooooo, no more learning about authors I already read in high school.
3. Rain, rain, rain. Even though the windshield wipers on Betty don't work too well, it made for a lovely adventure driving down to San Juan Capistrano.
4. Road trippin' with the bf. Good music courtesy of Kirk's iTunes and sour cream and onion Pringles, mint Milano cookies, and Diet Coke/Starbucks for a mid afternoon snack.
5. Glory of Christmas at the Crystal Cathedral. Real camels! And flying angels! And the cutest lambs and goats and a donkey! Oh yeah, and the acting and music and costumes were all pretty great, too.
6. Lots of time with my adopted grandparents, Ellis and Frankie. Plus great food, comfortable housing, and good conversation, all because of their generosity.
7. Sleeping in. 
8. Pumpkin bagels at I Heart Bagels! These bagels are listed very very high on my Top Favorite Things list.
9. Getting things done while at the same time doing nothing. Like such as Christmas shopping and finishing up my list of To Do's for Lithuania.
10. Seeing The Road. Ok, here is what you need to do: Go read The Road by Cormac McCarthy and then go see the movie. Right now. Just do it.
11. A hilarious Sunday morning. Highlights included: accidentally on purpose missing church, getting lost somewhere around Laguna Niguel, dancing in the car to Christmas music, and eating at the Souplantation (it never gets old).
12. A brand new backpack. Her name is April.
13. Hot toddies and a Salt Creek sunset. I could literally spend every afternoon for the rest of my life watching sunsets at Salt Creek and never get tired of it. This particular afternoon, I had very handsome company, which made it extra nice.
14. "Meeting" the boyfriend's parents via video chat. And realizing he looks exactly like his mother.
15. Kirk Dahlstrom.