I met another homeless man today. His name was Ricky and he smiled at me in the most genuine way and said, "Merry Christmas!"
I was so nervous to talk to him. There's something that just makes it hard to look a person in the eye after you've walked past them, trying to forget their presence, a couple of times. Yeah, I walked right past him. And then I felt that tug on my heart again and I turned around and introduced myself.
We ended up talking for maybe 30 seconds. I was so afraid that I would say the wrong thing; I couldn't find any courage to ask him about his story, even though I knew that's what I was supposed to do.
So my prayer today is for courage, courage to do the things that God has pressed on my heart.
In other news, Rheanna's Quest Towards Being As Awkward As Possible is still going strong. I got lost in San Dimas after the "AH! You're running out of gas!" light came on in my car and I raced off the freeway in a panic, frantically searching for a gas station. I then proceeded to completely forget my zip code, which apparently you need to pay for gas with a debit card at certain gas stations.
No worries, though. Ugly Betty is full of gas and safe in the school parking lot. And I am safe in my dormroom, content after a night of music and poetry and bizarre Christmas antics.
The logs on the fire fill me with desire to see you and to say that I wish you Merry Christmas.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
sleep tight
i'm going on vacation tomorrow.
with some people that i kind of like (aka my second family).
plus best friend number K!
am i excited?
absolutely.
=]
with some people that i kind of like (aka my second family).
plus best friend number K!
am i excited?
absolutely.
=]
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
We'll make the great escape
My high school World Religion and Cults teacher (the infamous Greg Collard) told me once that there is one month in the fall semester that is more difficult than all the others for college freshmen. I don't exactly remember which month he was talking about, probably because I was semi-busy looking out the window and pretending I was a butterfly who could fly to the windows of the Hospital Vozandes and cheer up all the sick people. In my personal experience, though, that one most difficult month has been November.
If I lived in a place other than Southern California where the weather actually turns cold and stays that way, I think that would be justification enough for a despressing November. As much as I love snow and cold and rain, I can't imagine bundling up to face wind every day during the fall and winter. (Today, I'm actually wearing a short dress and my roommate and I still haven't turned off the a/c in our room since school started. This is my blissful life as a Californian, I guess.) On that note, I am extremely thankful that God decided to put me in a place like Azusa, where the only thing that blocks the sun is smog and girls who wear Uggs have to pair them with short shorts to keep themselves from suffocating.
However, the lack of fitful weather makes it necesary for me to find something else to blame the overwhelmingness of this month on.
Could it be all the pressure, the pressure of turning in all my projects when they're due, of making time to study for tests that matter, of writing this blog before my next Beginnings class?
Could it be social tensions? People change in college, whether they're trying to or not, and dealing with that has become a headache of it's own.
Could it be homesickness?
Mmhmm yep. Yep to all of the above.
It just boils down to the fact that I'm living, absolutely LIVING, for my next vacation (which happens to be in exactly seven days!) and for this thought: is it really possible that we are almost halfway through the year already?
And bee tee dub, all the stress is also making me incredibly joyful. Go figure.
If I lived in a place other than Southern California where the weather actually turns cold and stays that way, I think that would be justification enough for a despressing November. As much as I love snow and cold and rain, I can't imagine bundling up to face wind every day during the fall and winter. (Today, I'm actually wearing a short dress and my roommate and I still haven't turned off the a/c in our room since school started. This is my blissful life as a Californian, I guess.) On that note, I am extremely thankful that God decided to put me in a place like Azusa, where the only thing that blocks the sun is smog and girls who wear Uggs have to pair them with short shorts to keep themselves from suffocating.
However, the lack of fitful weather makes it necesary for me to find something else to blame the overwhelmingness of this month on.
Could it be all the pressure, the pressure of turning in all my projects when they're due, of making time to study for tests that matter, of writing this blog before my next Beginnings class?
Could it be social tensions? People change in college, whether they're trying to or not, and dealing with that has become a headache of it's own.
Could it be homesickness?
Mmhmm yep. Yep to all of the above.
It just boils down to the fact that I'm living, absolutely LIVING, for my next vacation (which happens to be in exactly seven days!) and for this thought: is it really possible that we are almost halfway through the year already?
And bee tee dub, all the stress is also making me incredibly joyful. Go figure.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Un sapo, sapo, sapo que nadaba en el rio, rio, rio...
I'm sorry. I can't just write one blog about this.
So for the last thirteen years of my life, I think I was on one long mission trip. For example, every Wednesday last year, I would go to the city dump with a group from my school and we would help out in the daycare for kids whose parents live among the trash. A few years before that, we went to a children's hospital every week and basically evangelized and did goofy stuff to make the kids happy. I've helped to translate for different groups from the U.S. who came down to Ecuador to go on a mission trip (although the emphasis on those trips was always on something other than God... oops). I went to a school for missionary kids; we even had an Evangelism Explosion class to teach us how to talk about Jesus.
Because of all that, it's really hard for me to be in a place where a mission trip isn't waiting to happen right outside my window.
It will be interesting to see what happens to my passion for the world when I'm no longer forced to be in it. And I think that's all I can say about it.
So for the last thirteen years of my life, I think I was on one long mission trip. For example, every Wednesday last year, I would go to the city dump with a group from my school and we would help out in the daycare for kids whose parents live among the trash. A few years before that, we went to a children's hospital every week and basically evangelized and did goofy stuff to make the kids happy. I've helped to translate for different groups from the U.S. who came down to Ecuador to go on a mission trip (although the emphasis on those trips was always on something other than God... oops). I went to a school for missionary kids; we even had an Evangelism Explosion class to teach us how to talk about Jesus.
Because of all that, it's really hard for me to be in a place where a mission trip isn't waiting to happen right outside my window.
It will be interesting to see what happens to my passion for the world when I'm no longer forced to be in it. And I think that's all I can say about it.
And if I had wings, I would fly.
What makes you happy?
A good grade on a really difficult test?
Extra money for a shopping spree?
The knowledge that one more person thinks you're attractive?
We were hit in the face by the concept of global vision all week last week. We were challenged to open our minds to what's going on in the world around us, not just in our small-bubble lives. We were begged to see the big picture.
But the first step is to take our eyes off ourselves.
If the things that make you happy have to do with what's happening to only you, then I challenge you to change that. We do not live isolated, lonely lives; we are growing together, living together, finding God in new ways together. It shouldn't be solely about I ME MYSELF. It should be about US WE YOU THEY. What can we do to make someone else happier? What can we say to brighten someone else's day? How much of ourselves can we give?
So what makes you happy?
A good grade that your best friend got on a really difficult test?
Extra money to spend on someone else?
The knowledge that you made one more person feel special?
It's all about the love, people.
A good grade on a really difficult test?
Extra money for a shopping spree?
The knowledge that one more person thinks you're attractive?
We were hit in the face by the concept of global vision all week last week. We were challenged to open our minds to what's going on in the world around us, not just in our small-bubble lives. We were begged to see the big picture.
But the first step is to take our eyes off ourselves.
If the things that make you happy have to do with what's happening to only you, then I challenge you to change that. We do not live isolated, lonely lives; we are growing together, living together, finding God in new ways together. It shouldn't be solely about I ME MYSELF. It should be about US WE YOU THEY. What can we do to make someone else happier? What can we say to brighten someone else's day? How much of ourselves can we give?
So what makes you happy?
A good grade that your best friend got on a really difficult test?
Extra money to spend on someone else?
The knowledge that you made one more person feel special?
It's all about the love, people.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
i see you.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours.
The evidence of the absence of God can be seen all around us.
You see, God is love. He is love and He is light and He is encouragement and He is comfort. When those things are taken away, all we have left is hatred. Just hatred and darkness.
I've never heard about the Holocaust from the viewpoint of a Jewish survivor and so the story of the murder of thousands of Jews has never felt very personal. Hearing about it last Wednesday brought tears to my eyes though. Honestly, what was the rest of the world doing while such hatred was brewing up? We ARE our brother's keeper; we ARE meant to keep each other in check. And I think our world needs to open its eyes because grievances of similar or greater magnitude are slipping their ways past the corners of our minds.
One way, Jesus, You're the only one that I could live for.
While we're tiptoeing around the subject of racism, let me propose a new horror: culturism. That's right, it's not all about your race these days. It's about which culture you were brought up in, which culture you feel most comfortable with, and which culture you have adopted as your own. And this is a GOOD thing; I dream of a world in which 100% of the world's inhabitants have claimed a culture that doesn't match the color of their skin. But unless we (collectively) begin to embrace those cultural differences, my dream will not come true.
(You don't have to be non-white to experience racism. Ask me about it some time.)
Here am I. Send me.
I will go.
The evidence of the absence of God can be seen all around us.
You see, God is love. He is love and He is light and He is encouragement and He is comfort. When those things are taken away, all we have left is hatred. Just hatred and darkness.
I've never heard about the Holocaust from the viewpoint of a Jewish survivor and so the story of the murder of thousands of Jews has never felt very personal. Hearing about it last Wednesday brought tears to my eyes though. Honestly, what was the rest of the world doing while such hatred was brewing up? We ARE our brother's keeper; we ARE meant to keep each other in check. And I think our world needs to open its eyes because grievances of similar or greater magnitude are slipping their ways past the corners of our minds.
One way, Jesus, You're the only one that I could live for.
While we're tiptoeing around the subject of racism, let me propose a new horror: culturism. That's right, it's not all about your race these days. It's about which culture you were brought up in, which culture you feel most comfortable with, and which culture you have adopted as your own. And this is a GOOD thing; I dream of a world in which 100% of the world's inhabitants have claimed a culture that doesn't match the color of their skin. But unless we (collectively) begin to embrace those cultural differences, my dream will not come true.
(You don't have to be non-white to experience racism. Ask me about it some time.)
Here am I. Send me.
I will go.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Mirror, Mirror
Ten million years ago, I was THE awkward kid.
And by awkward, I mean the whole shabang: braces, stringy (slightly dirt-colored) hair, chubbiness, horrible sense of fashion. I was also just becoming aware of the fact that I was not, indeed, like everyone else. See, I'm the kind of person who does not do too well in social situations. Adding to the awkwardness was my pre-teenage, rapidly developing body and a group of people who publicly thought my way of walking was socially unacceptable.
Needless to say, middle school was my unhappy time.
...and so was the year or two that followed.
Honestly, I blame it on my surroundings. Once I moved to a place where most people actually didn't know my name, the puppy fat quickly fell off and I even learned a few things about how to make friends. But it wasn't until I got away from my hometown and learned how to find God in a new way, in a new location, that I really started seeing myself as God-loved, instead of God-forsaken.
It took awhile, but I finally began to look in the mirror again. And really, I had to start looking at God (and at his creation and at his beauty and at his glory) first.
Who am I to consider myself, created with love by God, a thing of ugliness?
It really isn't about loving yourself enough. It's about trusting that God knew what he was doing when he made you. That's what you have to remember when you're comparing yourself to the rest of the beautiful girl population on campus. That's what you have to push into your mind when you're wondering if that outfit could look any worse on your body. That's what you have to think about when you're looking into the mirror.
God made you special, and he loves you very much.
And by awkward, I mean the whole shabang: braces, stringy (slightly dirt-colored) hair, chubbiness, horrible sense of fashion. I was also just becoming aware of the fact that I was not, indeed, like everyone else. See, I'm the kind of person who does not do too well in social situations. Adding to the awkwardness was my pre-teenage, rapidly developing body and a group of people who publicly thought my way of walking was socially unacceptable.
Needless to say, middle school was my unhappy time.
...and so was the year or two that followed.
Honestly, I blame it on my surroundings. Once I moved to a place where most people actually didn't know my name, the puppy fat quickly fell off and I even learned a few things about how to make friends. But it wasn't until I got away from my hometown and learned how to find God in a new way, in a new location, that I really started seeing myself as God-loved, instead of God-forsaken.
It took awhile, but I finally began to look in the mirror again. And really, I had to start looking at God (and at his creation and at his beauty and at his glory) first.
Who am I to consider myself, created with love by God, a thing of ugliness?
It really isn't about loving yourself enough. It's about trusting that God knew what he was doing when he made you. That's what you have to remember when you're comparing yourself to the rest of the beautiful girl population on campus. That's what you have to push into your mind when you're wondering if that outfit could look any worse on your body. That's what you have to think about when you're looking into the mirror.
God made you special, and he loves you very much.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Sometimes I think I'm an underachiever; I don't realize the things that I really want until they either a) smack me right in the face or b) are comfortably handed over to me. Maybe this is a better argument for laziness on my part. But either way, here are at least three things that I would possibly like to accomplish during my years at APU. Also included are how my strengths will help me to achieve them.
1) Figure Out Who The Heck I Am
I mentioned this before; this is the whole reason why I came to college: to be influenced and stretched into the kind of person I am meant to be. On some days when I wake up a few minutes before my alarm clock sings to me, I feel like a mirror image of myself. I want to color in the lines that make up my heart and mind and finally be a technicolor version of me. I think that all of my thinking strengths will help me to evaluate every single possibility (maybe even prolonging the process) of who I could be. And my empathy will help me to look at others and at who they are. This will force me to see the good and bad of their characters and I can pick and choose the characteristics that I find most enviable and work them into my life.
2) Learn As Much As I Can
Aha. Another reason why I came to college. As my input strength describes, I am curious and I love learning new things (but generally only in areas I'm interested in... lame, I know). I want to fill my brain with as much information as possible about the world and about people and about writing and about the way things work. (I also want to get published. I want my thoughts to be read and spread and publicly acknowledged.)
3) Expand My Concept Of The World As A Whole
Included in this section are my desires to study abroad, to get involved in missions, and to network. I don't know what I mean by that last word, but I guess my dad says it a lot and it sounds good. Ha, just kidding. But I don't really know what I mean, except that it's something I really want to do. And guess what, my connectedness strength directly ties in with this goal. Funny how that works out.
4) Find A Husband
Ummmmmm, kidding. Actually, I just want to make strong and lasting friendships.
4 for real) Make Strong And Lasting Friendships
I've heard from too many people that their best friends are the friends they met during their college years and I want to make this true for me. I think connectedness will just help me to "connect" the people around me and to draw them together. In love. And happiness. Peace.
5) Become Tight With God
I heard a sermon once about what it takes to become "tight" with God. The speaker mentioned discipline and how important it is to keep yourself in check and to keep your relationship with God growing daily. I want to be so disciplined in my walk with God that it becomes even more natural than breathing. I want to have a better grasp on what He wants for my life. I want to use my strengths for His glory. I want His love to shine out of all areas of my life and I want people to notice the difference.
Fin.
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