Letter to Myself, written March 25, 2007

Dear FutureMe,

I hope you got over your ridiculousness that mostly had to do with boys. You had a lot of problems a year ago, and it got pretty annoying.

Also, you better have figured out what you want to do with your life by now. Time passes by pretty quickly, and you're 19 already. So figure it out, dude.

If you're dating RPC, have a good reason. Please? I don't want to go through all those issues again.

If you weigh more than 130 pounds, start running.

If you've lost touch with [the hobbit], call him.

If you haven't talked to your parents in a while, call them too.

I hope you're still writing at every chance you get. And I hope you haven't changed too much. 18-year-old Rheanna is pretty rad. You don't need to change.

Jesus loves you. I hope you haven't forgotten that.



Peace out, and please take a shower some time soon.




Love,

Me.

Overtime

I tip and I tap,
I type and I tope,
I sit as I speak
and I sip from a cup.
I polish and demolish
and admonish all this cottage
cheese, beans, please, seize
my work from my quirky
Dr. D,
for these words, oh they churn,
they are
eating
me
alive.

Dear World

Dear World,

I miss you.

It's been a while since we've hung out, and frankly, I'm lonely for the way you make me feel. See, I started this new relationship with this society called America and I am just having the hardest time adjusting to how different this new relationship is. Every once in a while, America will bring up something that reminds me of you and it makes my heart feel happy for one moment and then guilty the next. You don't think I deserted you, do you, World? Because that's how it feels to me sometimes. Like I gave up on this great relationship you and I had going.

I'd really like to try and work something out between us again. I've never felt as alive or purposed as I did when we were together. I really think you are my destiny.

Maybe in a couple of years we could give our relationship another chance? I promise I'm more mature than last time and I'm working on being more thoughtful and sensitive to your needs, just like you asked.

Well, America is starting to give me suspicious glances. I have a feeling that she wouldn't want me to be talking to you if she knew about how much I was in love with you or how long our relationship lasted. I wish we could all just be friends, but I'm not so sure that America would be ok with me being involved with both of you. She kind of gets jealous sometimes.

This was just a quick note to let you know that I'm thinking about you. I think I'll have some time off in about a month or two, so maybe I'll come to visit? Hopefully, you won't be mad at me.

I love you, World. I hope you haven't forgotten that.

Hugs and kisses,

Rheanna Lea Cline

Lifechanging/Euphoric

i fall in love with you easily,

quickly,

without questions,

as if this is what i always wanted,

even though i gave up on this

so long ago. i begin to dream about

your fingertips on my chin, tilting

my face

closer to yours and it's like

these dreams never ended.

it only takes a spark, and i'm

lifechanging

again.

while of course you, in your perfect euphoria, are

still stuck.

On College

I'm at a point in my life where I discover new things about myself, and about how I feel about the world in general, almost every day. It makes me a little too opinionated, but I think this is what college is about. My CLFM professor said that you should leave college with more questions than you came here with. This is a very good point, especially since the new things I discover usually just lead to all sorts of confusion and reluctancy regarding what to do with what I find out. 

(For example, I have discovered that I do not get theological discussions. It makes no sense to me to have all these arguments about whether Jesus' blood and body are actually in the Eucharist or whether God predestined each of us to either Heaven or Hell before the Earth was created. I can understand why some people would hold these arguments as the most important part of their religion, but I'm finding out that my concept of Christianity is made up of a lot of parts of mystery and usually doesn't have any answers. Read Frederick Buechner and Madeleine L'Engle for more on this idea of Christianity.)

College is for extroverts; that's what I've been trying to cope with lately. The process of meeting new people every single semester and having to create brand new relationships with them is something that I just cannot get used to. I think I need a break from an American college campus; it's definitely time to study abroad. So what do you think: Greece, Lithuania, or France?

I really need a vacation.

In a sweater poorly knit

This happens to be who I am.

New Heavens for Old

Amy Powell

I am useless. 

What I do is nothing.

What I think has no savour.

There is an almanac between the windows:

It is of the year when I was born.

My fellows call to me to join them,

They shout for me, 

passing the house in a great wind of vermillion banners.

They are fresh and fulminant,

They are indecent and strut with the thought of it,

They laugh, and curse, and brawl,

And cheer a holocaust of "Who comes firsts!" at the iron fronts of the houses at the two edges of the street.

Young men with naked hearts jeering between iron house=fronts,

Young men with naked bodies beneath their clothes

Passionately conscious of them,

Ready to strip off their clothes,

Ready to strip off their customs, their usual routine,

Clamouring for the rawness of life,

In love with appetite,

Proclaiming it as a creed,

Worshipping youth,

Worshipping themselves.

They call for women and the women come,

They bare the whiteness of their lusts to the dead gaze of the old house-fronts,

They roar down the street like flame,

They explode upon the dead houses like new, sharp fire.

But I--

I arrange three roses in a Chinese vase:

A pink one,

A red one,

A yellow one.

A fuss over their arrangement.

Then I sit in a South window

And sip pale wine with a touch of hemlock in it,

And think of Winter nights,

And field-mice crossing and re-crossing

The spot which will be my grave.

Personal Relationship

These are the things that have been rolling around my head:


It's the cliche Christian American thing to say, "It's not a religion, it's a relationship." I'm not going to argue that statement. I actually do agree with it.

I do think that often we forget who our relationship is supposed to be with, though.

Yes, Jesus is our homeboy. He's the one we talk to about all our issues and he's the one we "fall in love" with during those mountaintop experiences.

But the whole point of Jesus is that he's human. We love the humanity in him. And he charged us to love the world.

So maybe the relationship we're supposed to be in shouldn't be just between ourselves and Jesus. Maybe it should be between the entire world and Jesus.

Maybe the key to improving our relationship with Jesus is improving our relationship with our neighbors. Maybe loving the world is just as important as loving God. Maybe the way we love God is entirely demonstrative.

These are just the things I'm thinking about right now.

Pistachio

If you were an item of food, what would you be?

I would be a pistachio. Here's why:

1) Pistachios take time and are hard to get into.

2) Not everyone likes pistachios.

3) Sometimes, you really really want some pistachios, and other times, you just feel sick of them.

4) They're brown.

5) If you try to open them with your teeth, it hurts.

6) They have a unique and hard-to-spell name.